Weight Management

The Madness Of Would-be King John   by J.J. Jackson

Liberals complain loudly about President Bush and how he is supposedly accruing power to the Executive Branch. While he has certainly promoted some bad laws, which liberals would tend to love otherwise, that increase the power of the federal government as a whole and without Constitutional Amendment, to say that he is accruing power for himself is a bit of a stretch. If you listen to the political left, President Bush is a virtual tyrant wielding dictatorial power.

Talk about projection. Especially when you have Hillary Clinton running around crying about how if only you would vote for her, pretty please with a cherry on top, she would work to relinquish some of these powers which President Bush has menacingly and supposedly acquired. But remarkably you never hear these same liberals decrying her own power grabs such as when she proudly proclaims that as president she would take money from the oil companies and your 401k for the “common good”. Oh no. That, despite having absolutely no constitutional basis in the least, is ok.

With Iowa now behind us we have seen liberals like Barack Obama run out to an amazing lead over other candidates on a message of accruing power to the federal government. Take your pick of the other candidates from his party and you’ll hear the same message with different wrapping.

You even have second place finisher, and would-be King, John Edwards who will not be outdone issuing his own dictates over the past months.

Weeks ago, for example, he threatened Congress that if within six months of his election they did not pass his version of socialized health insurance and medicine, he would with his powers as President take away Congress’s own sweet health insurance deal. Now, I’ve read the Constitution. And I’ve read it many times. Obviously that is many more times than John Edwards and other Democrats. And I’m perplexed as to what powers John Edwards claims to find that would allow him to do this.

Under Article I Section 6, Congress is granted the right to compensation for their service as the laws which they pass (not the President) dictate. Now, that doesn’t mean that I agree with how much they get compensated for the often poor job they do, but the Constitution allows it. Mr. Edwards could certainly veto any law that Congress would pass affecting their own compensation, but if that veto is overridden, and the courts fail to find anything unconstitutional about the appropriation what is he going to do? Whine at them? Comb his hair menacingly at them?

Or does he really think he has the ability, like a good little authoritarian, to rule by decree beyond the powers of the Constitution? Will he simply accrue more power to himself?

Of course this is all a moot point right now considering that Mr. Edwards finished a distant second to Barack Obama and his own authoritarian socialist plans. The good news for Edwards? He came out slightly ahead of Senatorette Clinton. You go “girl”!

So, since Democrat voters seems to be drawn to which ever candidate has the most arbitrary and authoritarian policies I though maybe I could help out Mr. Edwards. What John needs is a bigger, more absurd list of government decrees than his opponents.

So what else could Mr. Edwards dictate? Well, I’ve come up with a list that would befit the madness of a man such as John Edwards and probably any other of the Democratic Party’s candidates for that matter.

First, the sky will be now pink. And if Congress doesn’t pass legislation within 100 hours after his coronation mandating such a change, he will make it so with a stroke of his pen. “After all, don’t you think pink looks better?” you will be asked to the sound of a guns being cocked and then pointed at your head.

Second, water shall no longer be called water. Instead it will now be called The Nectar Of John Edwards. Because all good things flow from John’s good graces. And if Congress doesn’t act within thirty days to make this true, he will simply declare it to be so.

Third, AIDS will be cured. And if the drug companies don’t cure AIDS within six months after Mr. Edwards takes his oath of office he will nationalize them and have the disease cured within thirty more days.

Fourth, to appease the radical environmentalist, all oil refineries will be shut down and 10,000 new wind farms will be built within thirty days. But they will not be built anywhere near the Kennedy Compound in Massachusetts or near the property of any other of the Democrat Party power elites mind you. And what if those 10,000 new wind farms are not built? Well, the executives of all the oil companies will be put on trial for treason, found guilty and summarily shot. At which point 10,000 new wind farms will magically appear from special acorns which Edwards will plant.

Fifth, Global Warming will be ended. Not only will it be ended, but it will be reversed by King John’s will alone. All glaciers will be returned to their previous locations and all people currently living on land that was habitable before this reversal shall be rounded up and placed into government work camps where they will be charged with maintaining the glaciers.

You Want more? Well John Edwards will be pleased to accommodate you.

Sixth, poverty will be ended and the “two Americas” will become one. Thanks to Mr. Edwards, all wages will be controlled and equal and all will make $1,000,000 per year. Expect for him of course. After all he is king and he deserves so much more. This will be done within a year of his taking office. Sure, there won’t be much on the shelves to buy, but you’ll be rich so quite your belly aching!

Seventh, all hurricanes will be banned from the United States. That’s right, you heard correctly – banned. And if Congress will not act to ban all hurricanes within the first ten minutes of his presidency, he will make it the absolute law of the land and protect all citizens from their wrath. Of course, he’ll do this by simply issuing a decree that hurricanes are no longer to be called hurricanes but rather “big windy thingies filled with lots of the Nectar of John Edwards”. But hey, there won’t be anymore hurricanes!

Don’t believe him? What are you? One of those “free-thinking” types?

Eighth and lastly, because only John Edwards can solve the problems of this world, he will declare himself King of the World for life and reserve the right to issue proclamations which will automatically become true regardless of how nutty.

With a platform like this there is no way that the liberals would not flock to his side and propel him into the White House in 2008. Take my advice John. Liberals love this sort of insanity.

About the Author

J.J. Jackson is the owner and Editor at Large of American Conservative Politics – The Land of the Free and American Conservative Daily. He is also the lead designer for The Right Things – Conservative Political T-shirts and American Infidel T-shirts
Bill doing the nutty madness walk

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